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I’m very happy with you, Avalon, and I wouldn’t give you up for anything. But sometimes a blonde just reminds me …” She pauses. “I remember a few years ago I was at a party and there was this slutty looking blonde dancing and teasing all the guys. She had a ridiculously short skirt and a top that wasn’t much more than a bra. I watched her until she left with two guys, and that’s the moment I knew that I was attracted to women. She turned me on like no one else ever had before.” Another pause. “So seeing a hot blonde like our neighbor makes me feel a little like that again. But it’s ironic because I’ve never had a blonde lover.”They’re both quiet while we see the blonde call someone on her cell phone and walk around the room talking on it. Then Avalon pulls down the blind. “Well you can look at her when I’m not around. You go out to the living room and wait for me while I make myself irresistible to you.”The second girl gives her a french kiss. “You’re always irresistible for me.”“Go. I wasn't sure myself and so it was better not to mislead her if I had lost that love. How would I know? I once read that the test for love was to imagine your life without your partner. Divorce, death, whatever reason ... how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form. Someone I could actually become without disliking myself. I knew I would never be able to return to the softer, weaker person I had been. Edie would never respect me if I did and I would likely find her.
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