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Or perhaps you don't,perhaps I should explain myself.I was an only child and I had a strong overbearing and ratherdisciplinarian father who I lived in fear of for much of my childhood. Healways used to to tell me what to do and how to behave and it was notalways obvious to me which meant I often felt a sense of paralysis, of notknowing what was expected of me or what I should say or do.I don't know quite when or how it happened now but I got to a stage in mylife when, after I had grown up and left home, I was going to go to a pubin the town where I lived which was known for "exotic dancers." It wasn'tthe first time I had been there nor was it the first time I found myselfhaving an internal argument with my Dad."A man of your age, with a hard working girlfriend like yours, doesn't goto places like that," my Dad said."But that's just where I met Liberty!" I replied.Then suddenly the ridiculousness of this hit me. I must have been about35 years old. And by ridiculousness I did not. I have some responsibility for what happened, but I wasn’t directly involved. I’m sorry, Peaches, that’s as much as I can tell you.”She frowned slightly, most likely because she wasn’t pleased with me keeping secrets from her, but this was one of those things that I simply couldn’t talk to her about. In fact, I could only talk to a couple of people about it, and even then, I felt dirty, like I was violating Kara’s trust. Stephie wouldn’t like that, but I hoped that she would understand.I thought back to a conversation that I’d had with Joyce many years before, when she’s told me that I was too honest at times. Despite my thinking that Joyce was part of the current problem, the advice was sound. There were some things I just had to keep to myself, or, keep to a few of my most trusted confidantes. Stephie was usually one of those, but in this case, she was too close to the situation.I had shared with Jennifer because I needed her advice and experience with what Kara might be feeling.
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