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’ Otterley replied. ‘What’s your mother doing?’ I asked kind-of absentmindedly. I’m not sure why I asked my daughter that, it was like another automatic response. ‘I think she’s upstairs, packing.’ Otterley replied quietly, as if it was an everyday occurrence. Suddenly I was so very angry again, I couldn’t continue deadheading the damned roses. I feared that if I did, I’d pull the fresh blooms off as well. I found myself stepping back and watching the girls continue. Really, I wanted to rush upstairs and throttle Margery. But not so much for announcing that she was leaving me out of the blue. More because she’d virtually told our daughter that she didn’t want Otterley to go with her. I couldn’t understand how any mother – let alone my wife — could do that to her child. ‘I’m sorry Otterley!’ I found myself saying, without any further explanation/ ‘Why daddy, you haven’t decided to leave us, mummy has?’ My daughter replied obviously understanding what my apology was all about. ‘Most of. As I released my stream my thoughts wandered again to Sheri. She was so normal, so feminine, the model of a mother and a teacher and a wife. Why was I so attracted to her? I washed my hands and appraised myself in the mirror. Nothing seemed wrong. Nothing seemed different. I had breasts and full hips like other girls. I wore lipstick and curled my hair. My eyebrows, the crook of my arms, the shape of my legs-everything was feminine. I held my fists to my cheeks and stared at the anguished image of myself in the mirror and begged God for an answer.I had always thought of homosexual women as great, strong creatures in mannish slacks with brush cuts and deep voices; unhappy people standing apart from the crowd. I looked at myself, hugging my bosom in a vain attempt at comfort, whispering over and over, "I'm a girl. I'm a girl. But if I'm a girl, why do I love a girl? What's wrong with me? There must be something wrong with me."But then I thought of Sheri, her clean wholesome beauty and.
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