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My nice country farm would become the home for me and my alter ego. I was going to start ‘dressing’ again, enjoying my private world again and loving the feel of feminine clothing be it of woven cloth or nicely formed bespoke rubber wear - in fairness the rubber was by far the preferable. My main question at first was whether I could shift my middle-aged weight? Could I lose my extra chin? Would I be able to once more get the hang of makeup and heels? No doubt; my thinning hair would not look good any longer, I’d have to look into wigs and all that laborious ‘extra’ care women take for granted but men find to be a pain in the posterior! Thank God I’m not hairy anyway. So I brought some weights, some good trainers and miles of country lanes to run myself ragged over. I always enjoyed running well into my middle age. I delighted when lycra running tights became fashionable for the general fitness freak. I wasn’t ever a fitness freak, by the way, I just liked the tight. I'm serious when I say I have missed you, painfully missed you, for so, so long. I got married to hurt you. God paid me back for being so selfish, spiteful and petty by taking back the angel he had given me. That was the second dagger in my heart. The day I saw you at that store I was ready to just drive off a bridge, step into traffic, anything to end it. The sight of you gave me hope. It was also a message from God that he didn't want me to die and go to hell. Sig, I was spiteful, petty and took great joy in breaking your heart, ruining your life after it was me who set you up. I know you were wrong and I had every right to hate you for it, but after that I was evil to you. I married a man I certainly cared deeply for, but didn't love as I did you. I know I committed adultery with him, and I know that weighs heavy with you. After everything I've done to you, you also know what I am capable of. Sig, you know in your heart, the real me. I've poured my heart and soul out to you.
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