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Then came the questions with little boxes to tick. I’m not going to put them all down here, there were three pages of the things; I’ll just let you know the ones that were funny or relevant to the tale. Did I ever indulge in any kind of sex with a person of the same gender? A/ Before maturity or B/ After maturity. I ticked A. Had I ever had sex with an animal? The answer was definitely no to this one. Had I ever had sex with any member of my immediate family? Again no. There were lots more and I noticed a line that said if all the questions were not answered, there would be no further response from the school. Finally at the end, before the place for your signature and the date were the final lines. If the above form was acceptable, I would be hearing from them with regard to an interview, which if on passing, would be given a date for attendance at the school for three weeks. Living in with all meals etc. The fee was 1,500, which seemed quite high, but what the hell, I could. When he heard an intruder picking the lock, which was, in reality, me using my key, he hid behind the chair I watched TV in and waited until the unlucky burglar, which in this case was me, came in and closed off all avenue of rapid escape.I realized his plan, when his teeth latched onto my calf and he gave a ferocious, if somewhat muffled growl."OW!" I screamed. "You stupid dog!"He let go, and sat, wagging his tail and waiting for praise for defending the house.I limped to the table where I put my keys, wallet, pocket knife and pocket protector in a basket I used for that stuff, while Bandit sulked at the fact that I didn't praise him. I did, however, say a few things."You're supposed to have a sense of smell that's ten thousand times better than mine," I snarled at him. "Or something like that," I added, in case I was off by a few thousand. "You're supposed to be able to sense it's me when I'm clear out at the car! Are you retarded or something?" I limped to the kitchen. "No wonder.
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