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It rattled him until he had rebuilt a solid track record. This time, though, there would be no excuses for him, and there was to be no reestablishing of a track record.==========================It is Friday morning when I start him on his training anti-Viagra regimen. I'm home early making a special dinner. With few exceptions, I've been cold and distant to him. This is Chris's "everything's okay now" dinner. I hear the door open and he walks into the kitchen, where I'm almost finished with dinner."What's the occasion?" he asks hopefully."No occasion," I reply. "I just thought it was time we buried the hatchet." How about if we just sank the spear?"Clever guy! "You won't be sinking you spear anytime soon," I think. But I just smile.Dinner goes fine. We make small talk; he touches my foot underneath the table. After dinner, we clean up and he leads me to the bedroom for an early bedtime. He grabs me masterfully and kisses me deeply. He has no hint that the evening isn't going to go. The bind that ties us brings us together even while we deny that it’s there. Static electricity, circumstance. Again, loneliness. But not that. Then I feel his touch once again and I lose myself, drowning in his soul, always just beneath the surface, giving over all that I can, breaking my heart again, all just to feel his magic, his heart, one more time. I dream of his possession, the freedom of belonging to this person. And I whisper to him, ‘You are all that I am not, all that I was lacking.’ And he smiles. Because what I lack, he contains. Where I am weak, he is not. A power for a weakness, a give for a take. In his eyes, I see the truth. I know that there is doom and pain ahead, and still I inch my body toward his, aching for that poison. Aligning myself with him, tipping my head to look into his eyes, indeed his very soul, laying my hand on his chest, I know I’ve found home. I haven’t the right. I want to step back, to leave this man, this poet, for someone else to find, but.
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