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Beth." There were four tapes of me and Beth having phone sex where I was very explicit in describing how Beth was a much better cock sucker, fucker, and all around piece of ass than Lydia ever thought about being and that Lydia could no longer satisfy me enough to make me have an orgasm and that I preferred to beat off than to fuck Lydia.My heart froze because I was sure that Lydia would think that I was no different than that sleaze bag Norm and that everything that was now right between us would be destroyed for good. And I thought that that bitch, Beth, was just as devious and conniving as I had been and was using me to nail Lydia for fucking Norm just as I had used her to get even with Norm for fucking Lydia. I looked at Lydia and I was afraid to open my mouth, but I screwed up my nerve and said,"I'm the one that made those tapes baby and I'm also the one that was screwing Beth, but she didn't mean a thing to me. I know what you must be thinking but please, please let me explain. I still cross dress, not that it does that much for me. The clothes feelnice but the thrill fades quickly, I don't get any satisfaction fromseeing myself dressed up. Only the occasional glimpse in the mirror whereI'll see a part of my body and think, wow, that looks like a girl. Evenwearing just a bra and having a bracelet on, when I look down and see mybra strap, then down my arm and see a cute bracelet, it sends a tingledown my spine thinking that's what a real girl would see as well.It's those small surges of excitement that keep me cross dressing, thoselittle moments where I'm suddenly struck by how feminine something makesme feel.Still I won't say I'm transgender.Truth is, I probably am transgender. I don't know if I'll ever admit it.I'm not sure I even know what it really means.These are the best years of my life, that's true, but now I've finisheduniversity and I'm supposed to be getting on in my life, but I can't. I'mavoiding putting all my energy into finding a job even.
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