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And not just control of decisions,but control of himself, leaving himself to simply be.In William's fantasies this control was given up to a creator: A man thathad chosen William's new feminine form for him. A man who had taken awayall of William's power and responsibility. Who had stripped William ofhis need to succeed and his desire to always do the right thing and, intheir place, had left a creature of that man's desire. A creature of purefemale sexuality, with nothing to hold it back. With these thoughts inWilliam's mind, eventually, he drifted off to sleep.William awoke, as was always the case after a night of such fantasies,with a soul racked with guilt. Why, he asked himself, did he wish to losehis life? He had worked so hard to create it and he had achieved almosteverything he ever wanted. He deeply loved both his wife and the timethat he spent with her. He enjoyed his work which made use of hisintellectual facilities in a most fulfilling way. Why then did he need toimagine. This was a truly horrible thing to him. Mental illness had a very severe societal penalty then; it was not something you would tell people. Mom wouldn’t even admit it to herself, either then or later.“Dad, I’ve earned this. He drove me from the family. I need to see a copy of the doctor’s report, the full clinical results.” You never know but how that might be useful someday to me, if simply to prove that when he finally drove me crazy, there was a reason for it!Dad tried to back away hastily, but I kept pushing until he agreed to send something to me. I also repeated that I wouldn’t be coming home, and that the next time I saw my brother would be much too soon. My parents had sowed the wind, and now they were reaping the whirlwind. I was sorry for Mom, but I had moved on.I hung up on my father and sat there for a moment, until I realized just where I was. I jumped up and scooted over to the door. “Sir, I’m sorry. I should never have tied up your office like that!” I blurted.
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