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Although she intellectually knew the 'truth,' her mind refused to believe that the depression was just a series of emotions, feelings she could banish if only she could find the energy. She also knew that this was the final time she would go through this cycle.Connie sighed as she turned the faucet off. Steam rising from the tub blurred her vision and fogged the reflective surfaces of the mirrored paneling along the bathroom wall. From her perch on the tiled edge of the bathtub she could see through the steamed window, into the small yard behind her home. It was just as well that the condensation blocked her vision; her normally pristine landscaped yard had been allowed to fall into disrepair this summer. Her roses, her perfect prize roses, hadn't been pinched back once since they started blooming. The raspberry bushes lining the tall wooden fence had grown gnarled and impossible. The berries were allowed to grow beyond ripe until they fell, swollen and sticky, onto the ground below.. I think it is better if we simply talk to each other once in a while, over the telephone, like we've been doing. I know that if I ever saw you again, I'd start thinking up reasons to be with you. And, let's be honest, that hasn't worked out that well for me, or for us, in the past. I really like talking with you, I'm extremely interested in how you're doing, and I really enjoy this bantering back and forth, but I'm simply not willing to risk being with you, loving you, and then standing by helplessly, when you decide that the time is right, once again, to turn it all into shit." I love you Jim, I think I'll always love you. And, in case you've forgotten, it hasn't always been just me turning something good into shit. If you don't care enough about me to take another chance, then I guess I'll just have to accept that. I won't ever ask you again. If you change your mind, you'll have to be the one to bring it up." That pretty much ended the conversation, although she waited awhile to.
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