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It was a life filled with firsts.Now I felt like my life was filled with reruns. Get up, get the kids ready for the day while I cooked breakfast and taught them, take them to do forms, get ready for work and review my script and guests, do the show, come home and sleep, get up. Rerun.The fact that Heaven had been living an adult life like that since she was fifteen made me far more sympathetic to her desire to leave modeling behind. I was on an all-out search for a truly metrosexual man to take over as the host of XX/XY. One of the things we had learned from nearly ten years in television production was that the second host was often better at the job than the first was. I had a couple good possibilities in mind.Of course, first I had to do my nightly shtick and hope I didn’t offend too many people. That wasn’t always easy. Like the night I focused on disabilities and how people use humor to cope with them.ME: My daughter was born handicapped. Yeah, sad. She couldn’t walk. We had to. Her ‘sect’ was just this side of a cult – snake charmers and speaking in tongues and home-schooling and shit like that. Hell – she even accused her husband of being gay, which was laughable. Poor fucker had to call two girlfriends to the stand, but they were good ladies, and laid it on the line that he was a good man.When asked why they didn’t marry him, they responded in kind. “I wanted to,” I remember one of them saying. “But he’d been burned once,” she said, eyes narrowing at the uptight cunt with permed hair that was clutching her bible at the defendant’s table. “He wasn’t gonna be burned twice.”It helped that it was a small town. Pretty conservative – but even conservatives have their limits and when the judge made his ruling, and she stood, screaming Old Testament passages at him, everyone knew that the right decision had been made.The court found that she was a crazy bitch – sorry, that she was “providing an unstable home-life”, and granted Burt full custody. She got.
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