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Eventually. Some sooner than others. Most everybody else seems to be able to cope. What’s wrong with me? God but it hurts. I glance up at the sky. Huge, dark cumulus clouds block the sun and promise yet another day of relentless rain. The ducks don’t mind at all but the threatening weather just adds to my despair. How fitting. Gun-metal gray day. Wish I had a gun. Well, fine then. Let it rain. Forever. I don’t give a rat’s ass. Something to wash away the tears so no-one will notice. But it won’t take away the fucking cold. It’s too damn fucking cold for September. Even the weather is against me. Thanks, God. That’s really kind of you! Fuck it. At what stage of grief am I right now? What did I read about that once? Oh yeah, five stages… something about denial, then followed by anger. I guess I’m at anger. Mad at me. Mad at Peg. Mad at God. Especially mad at God. Why me? And where the hell are you now anyway God? The funeral kinda took care of denial. Not much choice in that one. Oh. I just gave up caring. I know people were going to judge, and I wasn't going to change who I was, or what I did for anyone. My step-daughter Brandy would often point out that others didn't like our attitude. I'd shrug and just laugh. She knew I didn't care. One of my step-daughter's friends was an exception. Her friend Shannon, one of Brandy's classmates, is cute, funny, friendly, has the foulest mouth of anyone her age I've ever known, and literally says whatever she wants.There have been so many times that she's made some off the wall dirty sexual comment. I'd laugh, and tell her, "Don't promise something your little body or cute mouth can't carry through with." Little did I know how true that statement would be one evening at my house.Friday afternoon came around. I was home from work early. Brandy walked into the living room with her books, backpack and her computer and set them on the couch."Mom isn't coming home tonight. She's going to finish up at work and she's going to head.
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