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.. last night... think!It was my birthday... my girlfriend, Jenny, making fun of my boring life... loud music... and dancing with so many guys... !I quickly rolled over in the bed and squinted just a brief second to confirm... my room, thank god!When was the last time I got so drunk? Sixteen... no fifteen when my sister, her friend and I drank for the first time. Did it really feel this bad back then?I'm alone - ironic that I actually am thankful for that. I should be used to being alone... in bed... six years after the divorce.Think... !I remember drinks... all sizes and so many colours. At first they tasted horrid and burnt my throat... after the second hour it no longer bothered me and I drank even more.Some guy suck his tongue down my throat and felt up my ass as we danced to music that was too loud to even distinguish individual words in the lyrics. And... I let him! So embarrasing... I remember pressing myself... grinding... into that faceless man's leg!I tried to hear around. ‘Is that the pain I’ve been feeling in my back?’ I asked, wanting to take part in this conversation, wanting to show that I was not as moronic as I really am. He nodded. ‘Yes. The lymph nodes there are swollen and distended. And it’s spread to your liver, which isn’t good at all.’ ‘Can’t you just go in and cut it out?’ I knew it was a stupid question but I would rather go under the knife for that quick fix than suffer any more of this pain bullshit. I was trying to keep my good face on, both for my mother’s sake and to show these doctors that this was no big deal, that I was strong enough to handle whatever it was they decided to throw at me. They weren’t going to get me to bend, I was not going to allow them that pleasure. ‘So, what can be done? I mean, what are my options?’ The stressed look on his face told me that I really had no options. I knew that, Of course I did. People like me, we don’t get options. Those are up there with the breaks and the chances, the things that are.
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