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I wasn't reluctant because it was kinda fun last time and this time I knew what to expect. I went straight to work on my new "toy" and it went off with only a little more "work". This time he stayed for another couple racks of pool before he went home but neither of us pretended he was going to do for me what I was doing for him. This became our regular routine for a while until the time he came over and everyone was home...It was a cool fall day and I cheerily suggested a walk in the woods. GOOD IDEA! We both knew the woods very well and had a spot far away from suburbia but not so far as to be inaccessible. We had done a trial run of the area's privacy months previously by stripping down to our underpants and playing "Tarzan" for a fun giggly while. This time we scouted around and then let our inhibitions fly along with our clothes (we wisely put our sneakers back on) and climbed trees, balanced on logs and generally unleashed a lot of pent-up energy but I gradually noticed Ted's. The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so hard every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was afraid of what others really thought of me. I remembereddressing up for our date in one of my favorite outfits of the wholeexperience. She said I didn't have to, but in that moment I wanted to, alot. I remembered my pure emotional breakdown that came in the lockerroom, but also the way she pulled the first tube of lipstick across mylips and I couldn't get enough of that feeling, or her. Erin was like anaddiction. It didn't matter whether I had wanted to stop or not, becauseI couldn't. But when I had.
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