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The men called them sluts and whores. I let myself be used by them didn’t I? Oh Lena, Jo, what have I turned into?’ Now I understood. Because she’d had a sexual experience this afternoon far outside the ordinary she was feeling guilty so she was punishing herself, just like society punishes all women who enjoy sex. Look, I’m going to get on my high horse now. Why is it that a woman who has several partners and enjoys sex is called a slut, whore, or other such negative names yet men who do the same are call things like lotharios or said to be ‘sowing wild oats’, ‘playing the field’: all positive terms. It’s all right for men to put themselves about but not women. I get so angry with this cultural bias. It’s in the language as well. Women have just as much right to enjoy sex as men and to use their bodies as they want to use them. Of course they have a responsibility as well, every right comes with a responsibility. A responsibility to themselves and their dignity but then so do men.. . . . About five years ago I had a heart to heart talk with Sophie. I told her that I don’t think she ever forgave me for the affair, that I believe she fell out of love with me and I deserved it. I believe she only stayed with me because of the kids and that our life outside of no sex was pretty good. I still loved her and told her I never had sex with any woman since the affair over twenty years ago. I promised her that I would always be there for her and if she wanted me all she had to do was ask. I went to her one time after that and even tried oral sex on her. She said she didn’t really feel anything. I touched her but there were no sensations. After that we cuddled once in a while but that was it. One day she said she knew I masturbated. I asked her what choices did I have. She didn’t want to have sex with me. I promised her never to cheat on her again and was going to keep that promise. I would never hurt her again. Then there was masturbation. If she knew of another way to.
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