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Jason started off nice, lovely and caring and maybe if I'd had more confidence and a greater sense of self-worth he would have continued being so. Instead, I was prey to my insecurities and fear of failure, always afraid that I would lose him. My studying suffered, of course; too much time out with him or daydreaming or worrying about our relationship. We started sleeping together when he suggested it: how could I say no and hope to keep him? Though part of me felt I was making a mistake another part was telling me I was finally a woman. I was an intelligent girl so I should have got myself on the pill of course, but I was shy and Jason was happy to use a condom... for a while.Looking back there are so many 'should haves' and 'what ifs': I should have gone on the pill, I should have insisted on him using a condom, what if I'd had the courage to end the relationship, what if I hadn't got pregnant...In the end my pregnancy miscarried at five months, which was four months after Jason. I instructed further,"Don't try to take a deep draw as I do, your body has to get used to it. Take a small mouthful of smoke, then open your mouth and take in a deep breath all at once. Once your body gets used to it, you can take deep draws like I do."She tried my suggestion and though she coughed a little more it wasn't the spasm of coughing it had been the first time. The coughing was actually beneficial in my view. It always takes a lot to get stoned the first time, likely because you don't know what to look for. Then after a time you are so stoned you can't help but notice. The first time I had gotten stoned it had taken several joints, and the friends I was partying with were wasted and I was still straight, or so I thought. I had watched them acting stoned and thought they were all a little goofy, and then realized I was acting just as goofy. If you coughed while smoking, it seemed to get you stoned quicker.Danni continued to take little puffs and suck it into her lungs on the.
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