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.. I did get a letter from her a few years later." And she didn't tell you?" I demanded."If she had, we would have met a lot sooner," Eddie insisted."Well what did it say, the letter?" Just that she hoped I was doing good... she said she was sorry, for leaving like she did, but she didn't say why. And, she said she was good, she was happy. She didn't leave a return address... I still have the letter, though. You're welcome to read it."Eddie offering to let me read that letter only told me that he wasn't trying to hide anything. Which meant that he really hadn't known about me. I was slowly accepting that. But accepting it meant that the open, honest relationship that I thought I'd had with my mother wasn't so honest after all. And I was angry with her about that.I mean, telling my mom I was gay, was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It was the only secret I'd ever kept from her and in the end I came clean with it. Why wouldn't she tell me that my father didn't even know about me?. The train arrives and I feel my cheeks flush with excitement as I board. Walking down the narrow aisle between rows of seats, I double check my ticket. Seat 47. Passing 75 now. Oh dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into? The train starts moving; no turning back now. No way of returning. We had discussed this. If I wanted to back out I could, no worries about it. We would just have a little chat, I would get off at the next station, and he'd pay my ticket home. But I don't want to turn back. I want to be able to tell my friends when we get older about my adventurous youth, and have them all in awe, make them regret that they’d never lived out their fantasies or tried dangerous things. 47. There it is. An older man is sitting in it. I'm positive it’s him. “Hello, I believe that is my seat,” I say politely, as you do to a stranger who is obviously sitting in your spot.He looks at me and smiles.“Ah, I'm sorry. I will move over. Unless you want the window seat?”“I'm fine with either.” I.
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