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”Japanese tourist : “Fluck you too, European!”There was a musican called Gager Who, as the result of a wager, Consented to fart The whole oboe part Of Mozart’s Quartet in F majorI was reading an article on Gandhi recently. I never realised that he had very bad breath. Also, he had huge callouses on his feet because he never wore shoes. And his general health was very bad.In fact, you could say he was a super-calloused fragile mystic cursed by halitosis.Have you heard the one about the agnostic dyslectic insomniac?He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog or not... A man walks into a pastry shop and orders 5 pies, 3 sausage rolls and 2 cakes. As he leaves the shop he stumbles across a homeless man on the footpath who says, “I haven’t eaten for two days”, to which the man with the pastries replies; “I wish I had your willpower”!!!Jack: Just bought a hearing-aid for two dollars!Jill: What kind is it?Jack: Quarter past ten.A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a. She was Catholic and I wasn’t. I wasn’t anything, but I had no objection to becoming Catholic, as long as I didn’t have to be devout. She was a modern American Catholic who observed the rituals, but didn’t devote herself to the church. She told me her brother was a recently ordained priest, she was proud of him and that seemed to fulfill her obligations to the church.I did what was necessary, took the instructions and converted, which convinced her I was the man she should marry for sure.When we began to plan the wedding she told me her brother, who she always referred to as Father Byron, as in “my brother Father Byron” had been installed in our city, and she wanted him to marry us. That was fine with me. Since her family was picking up the tab, I was happy to let them handle the whole thing. I’d just show up for the ceremony, not too hung over I hoped.But before the wedding I had to have some kind of pre-nuptial conference with the priest, the fore-named Father Byron. I kept putting.
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