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Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.SIMPLE TRUTH #2When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."the Five Rules to Remember in Life1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.AND A BONUS RULE:6. Condoms do not guarantee safe sex;A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!This one is compliments of johnRamblings of a Retired MindI found this timely, because today I was in a store that sells sunglasses, and only sunglasses. A young lady. She hesitates for quite a long moment. She knows what she keeps hidden in her bedside cabinet, and would hate someone else to find out.“Nah, she was seventy two for goodness sake. What am I thinking?” Vera says to herself before she commences to rummage around. There was an ornate jewellery box on top of the night-stand, but she left that well alone. She rifled through the four drawers of underwear and intimates, but there was nothing of modern-style or of use. In amongst a drawer of make-up and cream lotions, she stumbled across a large old-fashioned tin jar. “Mmmm” Vera mused to herself. “I wonder what she keeps in here?”She unscrewed the lid and noseyed inside. It was three-quarters full with hundreds of little blue pills.……“What d’y recon these are Tom? If they’re dangerous you shouldn’t have them hanging around,” she poses as she returns down stairs with the jar, showing Tom the contents as he sits in his recliner.“Ahhh,” says Tom like it’s a eureka revelation, “that’s where.
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